I'm my OWN girl...(Part 1)
2:04 PM
..."What is a woman, what has she got??..if not herself then she has naught..
to say the things she truly feels..and NOT the words from one who kneels...
This morning while i was browsing through some website...i came upon the saying above...The words touched a spot in my heart. I've always had this idea in my mind of me being my own gurl...meaning that no matter how happy or sad i am..no matter how understanding other people might be of my situation, and no matter how much anyone loves me..I AM still the one who knows me BEST. I'm STILL the one who has to struggle to make life BETTER for me.Most importantly, I have nothing in my life BUT me...and I'll have nothing if i dun have me (and my dreams!)
As a child, i was a carefree lil' gurl who loved to have adventures with my brothers and cousins, though i wasn't really the adventuruos type. As an only gurl in my family, I looked up on my brother and wanted to be like him, played the games he played..I remembered once i made my parents bought me the same "Pedang Thundercat" and Pedang Zorro" that they bought for my brother..At first, they wanted to buy me something more girlish but since I wouldn't take no for an answer, they had to give in. And i was overjoyed to have it though i dun think i enjoyed playing with it as much as i enjoyed playing with my dolls and masak-masak.
Then...growing up, I became a bit of a softie...where i (believe that) i was always being bullied by others. I was never a fighter...and still am not. I mean like, as a child, when myself, my brothers and our cousins played games...it seems like i was always on the losing side. Well...it's true that maybe i just wasn't good enough in the games but the thing is..most of the times when we had quarrels over the games, it seemed that i was always the one who had to give in. The way i remembered it, the others were always taunting me...like it was always my faults for being such a hard-headed girl, that this so-and-so didn't want to play the games anymore because of my hard-headedness. So being a girl with a low self-esteem who always felt that she had to do what other people wanted her to in order to make them like her, I gave in again and again. Don't take me wrongly, i held no grudges over any of them...(in fact i love them all a lot) but i'm just being analytical of my childhood life to arrive to the conclusion that i will make towards the end of this post.... (To be Continued....)
~The Urban Factor~
