10:53 AM

Hari ini suasana di pejabatku agak sepi. Kebanyakan rakan-rakan sekerja tiada di sini. Mungkin masing-masing pergi melawat tapak untuk menyelesaikan urusan-urusan yang tertunggak.

Aku? Masih terkia-kia menyemak fail-failuntuk menelaah kembali status serta senario terkini setiap projek yang dipertanggungjawabkan kepadaku. Bukan aku tidak mahu melawat tapak, tetapi terasa kecil diriku sewaktu berhadapan dengan mereka yang terlibat dalam pelaksanaan projek-projek yang kupegang. Jadi biarlah aku melengkapkan dulu ilmu di dada, supaya aku akan dapat melakukan yang terbaik ketika aku melawat tapak nanti.

Semalam aku telah bercuti. Ketika bangun pagi, terasa berat untuk kaki melangkah ke pejabat. Entah kenapa...mungkin kerana aku masih homesick?

Semalam merupakan 10 Muharram. Hari yang menyedihkan bagi sekalian umat Islam tidak kira apa fahaman yang dipegang sekalipun. Tidak guna kita bertekak serta mempertikaikan perkara yang sememangnya telah tercatit dalam sejarah. Mungkin kita rasa kita yang betul, tapi pastikah kita bahawa perasaan itu diilhamkan oleh Sang Pencipta, ataupun ianya lahir daripada nafsu sendiri? Mungkinkah juga perasaan tu lahir dari hati yang digoda oleh syaitan yang sememangnya mahu menyesatkan seluruh keturunan Adam A.S. Apa2 pun bagi aku, jalan yang terbaik ialah berdoa mohon diberi petunjuk ke arah jalan yang benar. Bukannya asyik berdebat untuk menunjukkan kekuasaan sendiri. Kekadang itu, diam itu lebih berhikmah apabila kita tahu sesuatu perdebatan itu tidak akan mengubah keadaan yang sedia ada atau tidak membawa kepada kebaikan.

Okielah...Apa yang berlaku pada 10 Muharram? Sila klik di sini untuk maklumat lanjut.

Rasanya setakat ini saja aku menulis untuk hari ini. Sehingga bertemu lagi, salam untuk semua.

P/S : Janggal pulak rasanya bila menulis dalam bahasa ibunda ni. He he he...

~The Urban Factor~

10:03 AM

Life is tough. I don't know about the rest of you, but for me it is.

Most of the time, I have to do things that I rather not do. Whenever I start to get comfortable with someone, or with a situtation, new challenges will come up almost immediately.

In a way, I've become accustomed to such situations. The fact that I don't get to live contentedly as those lucky people doesn't bother me as much as it used to. I thrive on the challenges. I used to chicken out during my younger days, but now I always forced myself to accept whatever it is that fate has in store for me. No more surrendering when I haven't even try to live up to the challenges. The word 'quitting' shall be banished from my dictionary, forever. I H O P E - that is-...

G A M B A T E !!

~The Urban Factor~

Speak up your M . I . N . D
3:38 PM

I love writing. I write to express what I feel at the current time. Sometimes I write using emotions. It's the only way I can express my fear, dreams, hope and all other sorts of emotion. Seldom do I write according to facts, thus you can say that my writing is purely fictional. Most of the time, I will embellish and twist a scene or my view on something just to make it more interesting.

Thus, I'd like to clarify here that when I write about feeling overprotected, it doesn't mean that I hate my dad or my mum. I write things just to let it out of my system. Different people have different tacks in expressing and releasing their anger. And frustation. Some goes shopping while others will do other sort of different things. As for me, I found the most effective way to release mine is to write.

And being an imaginative girl, I might perceive things from a totally different perspective from other people. Thus, there are possibilities that my writing might hurt other's feelings. Or cause them to have a faulty perspective on my life.

Hence, I hope that this post will clear it up for all of you the fact that I don't usually meant what I write they way you perceived it. Subsequently, I implore not to be judged on my writing. Please note that whatever that is written in here is not to be discussed and probed into, outside of this blogging world. Just enjoy the reading. Treat this column as a discussion room where you can freely speak up your mind and discuss whatever it is that you feel you want to share with me, or others. And don't hesitate to leave a comment as I won't held it against you.

~The Urban Factor~

The Sonata of A Loner
8:48 AM

Life's a total mess at the moment. Been transferred to the place I've been dreading most. A lesson learnt throughout this whole process: Never trust people by their outer appearance. Now I'm experiencing the full impact of the phrase "Don't judge a book by its cover".

On a happier note, Boo has been promoted to a higher level of his career. It was on the same day that I received the bad news regarding mine. Was extremely happy for him. He so deserved it after all the long hours he put in, and all the commitments showed. I believe from now on, the road will only rise up to meet you dearie. Will be praying for that InsyaAllah.

I'm quiet lost. Still hasn’t move. Feeling gloomy, especially since I'd have to depart with this new Pc that I've only got the chance to use for not even a couple of month. Ayu, Ami. Mickey. Illis. I need you guys. Wish I could be there with you; wish you're here to make things better for me. To cheer me up. To put a smile on this sour face. :-( *sigh*

Just last night, I kept on having a flashback of my childhood. Of how the things that happened gave impact on my self - esteem.

I remember there was this little girl. She was small, she was beautiful. She was perky and energetic. She came to my house one day with a group of boys and they started to climb and hanging down the white, metal swing. I thought she looked like a monkey. A beautiful monkey. I thought "Oh God! Mum would never allow me to do that". I do envied her. Because she was carefree. She was able to be like the boys while I was expected to be all prim and proper. Ladylike. Yeah, that's the world. L A D Y L I K E . I was expected to be THAT.

From that moment on, she was always coming to the house along with the boys. They played all sorts of games, all of which involved either climbing onto something, or kicking, or roughing each other up. On the other hand, I was always playing alone by myself. Either tending to my dolls; or trying to be a perfect wife and mother in a perfect - imaginery - household full of kids. Cooking delicious meals. Putting my babies (dolls) to sleep. All the while, I'd wear fancy little dresses complete with frilly white socks and accessories mum bought for me.

Then, one day the little girl came to me. Supposed she'd been eyeing me for quite sometime. She told me how uncool it was to wear the fancy dresses. Why not wear pants like her? She told me how girlish and weak I looked wearing the frilly white socks. Her words were like stab to my self-esteem. I was without a friend. Playing all alone while she -in all her glory - was hanging out with the boys and got accepted to be in the clique. That day, she managed to make me feel insecure about myself.

I went to mum. I wanted no more of the frilly socks. Why do I have to wear them? Why do I have to wear the fancy dresses? I wanted to wear pants, wanted to run around in my bare feet. I wanted to be carefree like the little girl was.

Mum got mad. She said I was a young lady. And a young lady wasn't supposed to run around in her bare feet. She was supposed to be prim and proper.

So I continued to behave myself. I continued to wear the cute pink hair clips. I continued wearing my rainbow dress. I carried on playing with my dolls.

The girl? After a while, I realized the way she would be looking at me whenever I wore some new colorful dresses, or fancy hair clips. There was envy in her eyes. She wanted one too. But since she couldn't get it, she wanted me not to have it too. By making me feel like a weirdo wearing all those things. By putting me down. By making me feel bad about myself.

Ever since the incident, I vowed to myself that I’d never do things just to get myself accepted by people. "NEVER DO THINGS just so you could be in the happening clique", I repeated to myself again and again. I’d rather be the loner I was – still am – than be with people who make me feel bad about myself.

And today, the little girl has re-materialized in front of me. I guess I could never run from the girl, or the idea of her. I just have to play along. To prepare and armed my self to deal with her. So that I will hurt no more.

Hey Girlie! Stop hiding behind that innocent mask. Here I am...if you so want it, come out and get me!

~The Urban Factor~

New beginning...AGAIN??
1:00 PM

The new ************ will be let known to public soon. This week I suspect.

Time to make preparation. Time to instruct your mind to accept whatever their decision is. TIME TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE.

If I'm still here, then be it. If I get to walk away, then it's just my luck. Whatever it is, I won't let it affects my performance. Or my perception. Or attitude.Towards the whole system. *Pray*Pray*

Been procrastinating. Been avoiding people. Been spending more and more time up in this *pretty*(yeah right!) head of mine. There, it's such a blissful place to be.

Hope to get together with some close friends before I get married. Just to catch up on life. To have girly talks. To share hopes, dreams, fears and excitement. To feel YOUNG, FREE, UNATTACHED for one last time. Ayu, take note ya! Chinese New Year maybe?

I'm signing off. C'ya when I c'ya.

~The Urban Factor~

Eiduladha celebration
11:28 AM

The firewall's down again.Dun ask me why, I dunno how these things work and I dun care.


Eidul adha was fine. Went back to Penang on Saturday and came back here on Monday. Such a short holiday, but it was fulfilling! :-) yerp.Very much so.

The funny thing is, I made a promise to myself a few days before going back that I'd not let him know of my being back at Penang. We were having a silent row u I thought that maybe if I just keep my existence there a secret then it'll teach him a lesson or two..might even make him realize that I'm an important being in his life after all.

Anyway, I succeeded in keeping my mouth silent only until I reach beloved hometown. By then, I was squirming impatiently just thinking of how nice it'd be to go out minum2 with him. Still, holding my patient in check, I called him a few times just to say 'Hi' (konon-kononnya la) and each time he'd ask me where I was. I guess by then he was already suspecting that I was at home after all. Incidentally the secret wasn't revealed until I called him in the afternoon and out of a sudden my mum called out my brother's name loudly and he was like "HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!GOTCHA!". Damn stupid I was. Ahakz..

Since my secret was already out in the open, there was no point in refusing to go out lah kan ;-) ... so we went out for a cuppa and then he sent me to my aunt's house for our tahlil and putu mayam session (ayu pnya idea la nih. Thank God for the leftover roti benggali!) on the eve of Eid.

The next day we celebrated Eid as we usually did. The morning was spent at home, had breakfast of rendang and roti benggali, ketupat, nasi impit and soup.

Afternoon. Everyone gathered at auntie's house again as we were having our family day cum Eiduladha celebration together. Everyone was there except abang and Emi. Yong sponsored the afternoon meal that day (catered) and then we started our game called "Charade?".

The game is where you'll be divided into two groups and each person will have to act out a scene (movie/songs etc) given to him by the coordinator. The rest in the group will have to guess. Had muchly fun playing this game and the best thing was OUR group (girls group) turned out winner of the day! The boys were soooo very tak puas hati with us. Sorry guys. Better luck next time. ;-p

That night we had steamboat for a change. He came over. Had to eat VEGETABLES as my mum forced it unto him. Haha..padan muka. He played cards with brothers and cousins.

The following day was a day where I'd be heading back to KL after such wonderful holiday at hometown. Went for breakfast at Hutton Lane (mak and abah almost went there too that morning but they decided against it as there were no more parking space left when they arrived). Had a set of scrumptious crispy buttered toast with half cooked eggs that'll leave you wanting for more. And not forgetting the much savored glass of teh tarik. Met his friend's mum and dad. Chatted a while and then headed to Metrojaya to find my hantaran handbag.

Entering Metrojaya, that's when I saw it. I knew then that it's love at first sight. I not only love the clutch, I was head over heels in love with it. Guess he saw the love in my eyes so without any persuasion I got him to buy it right there and then. Thanks muchly boo! It'd be the most cherished thing in my entire life..hehehe

Then at around noon, we went to pick up mum at home and headed to auntie's house again as I was going back with cousin. The cousins all went for bowling in the morning and wasn't back yet when I arrived there. Waited for a few more hours and when all were back and ready, we headed back to KL at around 4 pm.

Bye-bye home. *sob*sob* Can't wait to be back again.

~The Urban Factor~