Finally... after much delay, I'm now able to update the sequel for the previous entry..

So...as I mentioned before, I had never been a fighter in my life. Let me give u an example...let say I wanted something so bad BUT in order to get the thing I have to compete with some other people, I'd rather back off and let the other someone have what I wanted in the first place in order to avoid any conflict with him/her. I'm just not a go-getter, not a highly ambitious gurl who'd go to any length to get what she wants.

BEFORE, when I was small, I was just like any other kids who'd throw tantrums in order to get their parents to buy them what they want. But as time flew by, I grew up to be less and less demanding and more submissive....I mean I DO have my wants and needs but it's usually curb by the restrictions imposed on me by my parents, and by LIFE itself. I learned to accept things as it is..if I can't get something I want so badly, then maybe it's just never meant to be mine. I HATE this kind of thinking I've got, but darn! I have no strength nor the power to be in control of my life...nor the power to have the full reign of my own life.

Living my life feels to me like living someone else's life...as I have to do things according to what other people thought best for me. I didn't had much say in things I wanted to do, and I still don't. Sometimes, alone in my room...brooding over life...I fell suffocated in my own dreams. I have many dreams, and I see myself EXTREMELY happy in all of it.

Unfortunately, my real life is the opposite of it. Okie okie...I'm sure many of u are wondering what I'm trying to say here.Let me be frank...my father is the kind of father who wants his children (especially the daughters) to follow his say. He does the thinking for us, and he's always worrying about our life...I say that sometimes he thinks too much, he's always worrying about things that he shouldn't. Like what would happen if he let us out of his sight...I mean come on la...I'm 25 years old...I'm not a child who can't look after herself. I spent more than 6 years studying in KL, and I came back home in one piece, didn't I?Well...due to this "restriction" imposed to me by my parents, I felt helpless in taking control of my own life or to fulfill my dreams. What's more, LIFE itself seems to be playing the same trick on me - it's rope is binding both my hands and feet...thus crippling me. Finally, I gave up all together to do anything that I want to. And I resort to just relishing my dreams whenever I have the time. AND, that's the reason why I spent much time in my room (not to sleep aaah!) coz u see..dreams are all I have now...Without dreams, I'd be like a bird with broken wings...There'll be no more hope to fly, to be free and happy...

My life experience- since I was small until I grew up to be a lady- made me realized that i can't depend on anyone to make me happy. Every person is one complete entity, there's no such thing as "U Complete Me" or "My Other Half". Of course, whenever I was in my mushy-mushy mood...I'd be saying those things to my sweetie, but we just say it to show our love. People sometimes get silly when they're in love. But the point i'm trying to clarify here is....I am the ONLY PERSON who can make me happy, I alone control the mood "switch" in me. Whenever I'm down, I'm the only one who can cheer me up ... Life has no meaning if I dun have ME to comfort ME, giving ME hope and joy..and it's comforting to know that I can be HAPPY when I become MY OWN GIRL in my OWN WORLD......