I'm in blue...

I went to sleep last night with one bitter thought. One bitter realization. That the one people who i've always thought care about me, actually don't..It was just an illusion...Him caring about my being, i mean. It was actually nice to feel that u have someone to depend on. It was comforting to know that there's someone who'll always be there for u, who will miss u as much as u miss him, who'll be ur eyes when u can't see, be ur strength when ur weak..and be everything when u have nothing.

But last night i found out just how wrong things could turned out to be. It was an illusion.. An illusion created by my deceiving brain just so that it can inflict pain on my heart once the truth be found. Even my body parts have animosity over each other. Oh boy. I'm f*cked up. Oh boy.

I'm so deep in blue...

The pain is excruciating.. The pain of knowing something that u wish u don't. The pain of having to keep it secret from your loved ones. The pain of having no one to talk to over the delicate matters. The pain of having to go through all these pretense. It gnaws your inside, hence the pain...I wish it'll gnaws away everything in me, till i could feel no more... Oh! Just another wishful thinking of mine..

I'm still in blue...

Waking up this morning, i was overjoyed to find that i was in a faraway land..a land where everyone and everything were strangers. It felt good to realize that no creatures alive know who i was or where i came from. It was exhilirating that none of them knew how f*ucked up my life was, the life that i thought i'd left behind, forever......Then, waking up all over again, i realized that it was all a dream. A wishful thinking..Oh boy. I can't describe the disappointment; of finally getting something u've been yearning for as long as u can remember; then having it snatched cruelly away from you- snatched by reality..the bitter reality....

Now you know why I'm in blue....